wtf Report

The waffle iron was patented today.

Tiger Woods is single again. Tiger and his Swedish-born wife officially divorced Monday.

No surprise here: Researchers say bottled tea isn't as good for you as the kind you brew yourself. The bottled stuff lacks healthful antioxidants and is often loaded with sugar.

A 72-year-old Florida woman was accidentally shot in the chest by her husband as the two trained for robbery scenarios. She's expected to recover. No word if she'll keep hubby around till their 55th anniversary.

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino makes more money than you. Someone crunched the numbers and figured out he'll make $5 million this year from Jersey Shore, making appearances, and the gobs of products he's got lined up.

Piranha 3D will be getting a sequel.

WTF Report

It's Middle Childrens Day.

Forbes.com says Williams College is America's best. Never heard of it? You're not alone. It's a small, private Massachusetts college with just 2,200 students. Forbes factored the cost of tuition, the salaries of graduates and students' experiences.

America's a bit screwed up right now, and so's American Idol. The latest rumors: J-Lo is out as judge for being too demanding, Mariah Carey would like to judge, and the supposedly fired Kara DioGuardi's not received a contract for next season and is getting her Idol news through the media.

A new study reveals a free and easy way to help your kid be a bit more popular: Send them outdoors. In the study kids who played outdoors were more popular with other kids.

A Florida man man was arrested after he called 911 to say hello. Cops say Roger Hollaway called 911 and told the dispatcher that he needed a ride, but then said he was joking and hung up.

Pixar's Toy Story 3 has grossed over $895 million worldwide, surpassing Finding Nemo to become the highest grossing film in the movie company's history.

wtf Report

It's National Cheesecake Day!

Ellen DeGeneres is leaving American Idol. In a statement Thursday, Ellen said, "A couple months ago, I let Fox and the American Idol producers know that this didn't feel like the right fit for me. I told them I wouldn't leave them in a bind and that I would hold off on doing anything until they were able to figure out where they wanted to take the panel next."

A Facebook page called "I'm lost. Help me find my family" has been set up in an attempt to reunite a tattered stuffed animal with his owner. UK cafe owner Liz Everett started the page after the lost bear was accidentally left in her Suffolk cafe. There's also a Twitter page.

Fire officials in Ohio (Middletown) city said a man sparring with a punching bag accidentally caused a natural gas leak when he knocked the meter off his wall. Energy crews were able to shut the gas off about an hour after the leak began.

In theaters this weekend: Dinner for Schmucks (PG-13); Cats & Dogs: Revengs of Kitty Galore (PG); Charlie St. Cloud (PG-13)

WTF Report

Chelsea Clinton July 31 wedding to Marc Mezvinsky will reportedly run around $2 million.

Long Island, New York, authorities are looking for a male suspect who walked into a bank Thursday dressed as Darth Vader and held up a teller at gunpoint. He was wearing a Darth Vader mask, blue cape and camouflage pants.

If you get an email from BP CEO Tony Hayward saying you can get $500,000 in grant funding -- in exchange for emailing back some personal info -- click 'delete'. It's a phishing scam.

Justin Bieber will guest-star on the season premiere of CSI September 23. Bieber will play a 16-year-old singing sensation. Rehearsals should be easy.

In theaters this weekend: Salt (PG-13) and Ramona and Beezus (G)

WTF Report

Today is National Fried Chicken Day.

Over 200,000 people have been tricked into clicking on a malicious link that is spreading across Facebook. The link is posted on user walls by a rogue program.

James Cameron's Titanic's coming to theaters in 3-D format in 2012...yes, we need tragedy in 3-D...what's next Schindler's List???

A new study shows it takes longer to read books on an e-book reader versus a printed book. The study found that reading speeds declined by 6.2% on the iPad and 10.7% on the Kindle compared to print...maybe its just the people who read on those devices are below average readers??

An Austrian jeweler has sold a gold and jewel-encrusted vuvuzela to a Russian businessman for over $21,000. The plastic vuvuzela horn is decorated with expensive white gold and diamonds.

On DVD today: Brooklyn's Finest and The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo .

In Russia a man is teaching his dog how to scuba dive...maybe he can figure out how to bury all this oil too!! Bury the crude, boy! Bury the crude!

WTF Report

Toy Story 3 was the No. 1 film over the weekend with $59 million. Adam Sandler's Grown Ups debuted at No. 2. Tom Cruise's Knight and Day debuted in third.
... Some sort of teen vampire movie opens this weekend. It'll probably do pretty well.


A number of BP gas station owners -- tied to the giant oil company in name only -- are asking for discounts. They want to pass the discounts on to angry Americans to regain some lost business... call up the Louisiana guy who works for BP who is on TV all the time

A Chihuahua mix from Clearlake, California, has become the newest World's Ugliest Dog. Princess Abby won the 2010 World's Ugliest Dog Contest at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in Petaluma... what an honor!!!???

UK's The Daily Mail reported over the weekend that an iPhone 4 recall is underway. The story was wrong...OOPS

The Sunday New York Times decided to track down one of the voices on your GPS navigation device. Australian Karen is one of them, and she's turned the notoriety of her turn-by-turn instructions into a motivational speech about calculating your route in life. Another popular voice is that of American Karen Jacobson, who goes by the GPS nickname "American Jill".

The Karate Kid made $56 million over the weekend. The A-Team came in second.

... Jonah Hex and Toy Story 3 open Friday.

In Britain a toad underwent life-saving surgery after it was accidentally stabbed with a garden pitchfork. The toad had a collapsed lung but pulled through and was released back into the wild... Why does he not need a follow up and I have to go back 3 times for a cold???

A couple in California were married Saturday at a Home Depot store where they work. They married in the outdoor garden section....and the bridesmaids weren't the only hoes in attendace

Two British brothers were nabbed for burglary when one of the robbers got stuck trying to break into a department store. UK police arrested Clive and Kelvin Webster after older brother Clive got himself stuck trying to fit his 238-pound body through a 2-foot hole in the side of the department store... no word on whether the honey pot was completely empty or not

That guy on the Old Spice TV commercials has landed a talent deal with NBC. His name is Isaiah Mustafa and he's already had bit parts on Ugly Betty, NCIS and Castle.

WTF Report

Happy birthday, Subway. Fred DeLuca opened his first sandwich shop 45 years ago today.

Today is Ballpoint Pen Day and Nursing Assistants Day.

The game company that's to blame for billions of hours of lost productivity at work has just launched a new game called FrontierVille. The game is on Facebook now....but how long will it take to be a iPhone app????

In the influential New England Journal of Medicine, a doctor says physicians should tell patients not to send text messages or use cellphones while driving, just as they advise them against smoking or to use seat belts.

An Ohio woman spent three days in jail for calling 911 five times looking for a husband.

Here's some good news/bad news for fans of the classic Demi Moore/Patrick Swayze film Ghost. The bad news is it's being remade; the good news is it's being remade for the Japanese market. Apparently American movies used to be bigger hits in Japan and this is Paramount Pictures' way of making money over there again.

Des Moines, Iowa, was named the best city for families by Forbes.com. It's got good schools, reasonable housing, short commuting times and sense of community....I got cousins that live there and they say its just gotten better its not great

WTF Report

Today is Hug Your Cat Day...when is lick you kitty day???

President Obama returns to the Louisiana Gulf Coast today (Friday) to check things out. It'll be his third visit since disaster struck back in April.

The World's Ugliest Dog has died at age 17 . Miss Ellie was a small, bug-eyed Chinese Crested Hairless dog who lived in Tennessee. Her biggest claim to fame: winning Animal Planet's "World's Ugliest Dog" contest in 2009....they had it on the view last year and it was a glorified rat dog

Overly protective parents turn their kids into needy, neurotic, spoiled introverts, say researchers. These days hovering parents are called "helicopter parents" and, thanks to them, many kids, teens and adults have a slew of personality traits that are generally thought of as undesirable. Way to go, mom and dad!...ya gotta let the kids make mistakes

The Scripps National Spelling Bee finals air tonight on ABC....great sleeping tool

A Chicago man landed it a bit of touble after hitting his boss's cousin in the head with a barbecue grill scraper. Will that get him fired?... at least it wasn't the boss, himself

In theaters this weekend: Get Him to the Greek (R); Killers (PG-13); Marmaduke (PG) and Splice (R)

WTF Report

Shrek the Fourth won the weekend box office, pulling in $71.2 million.

Over the weekend a 13-year-old from California became the youngest person to scale Mt. Everest. Jordan Romero called his mom using a satellite phone when he reached the peak Saturday along with his father...and I had trouble getting out of bed???LOL

American workers' waistlines are expanding through the weak economy, according to a new survey (by CareerBuilder). The poll revealed that 44 percent of workers have gained weight in their current jobs, with 32 percent saying stress was a contributing factor.

Law & Order wraps tonight after 20 seasons on NBC....but we'll have reruns untill at least 2022

A man in England died after smacking his head on a table while attempting to put on a pair of pants. Sixty-five year old James suffered a fractured skull, leading to bleeding on the brain, during the fall in his bedroom...my luck says that's how I'm gonna die

State police in Pennsylvania said a man is in jail on charges that he threatened his girlfriend with a meat cleaver during an argument. Troopers say the man and woman were arguing about the British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico....really?!?

WTF Report

Today is Visit Your Relatives Day.

American Idol's back tonight and the top three finalists each perform
two songs.

A report says Australian airline Qantas Airways reuses its plastic
cutlery. In its defense, the airline said the plasticware is made of
sturdier stuff than your usual disposable tableware and subject to a
strict cleaning process. Isn't this really a psychological thing?
We're just used to tossing plastic forks and washing metal ones,
right?

A North Carolina waitress lost her job after complaining about a lousy
tip on Facebook. She complained about a couple sitting at her table
for 3 hours and only leaving $5. What's the dumbest thing you've seen
someone post about their employer or a customer on Facebook?

Paramedics in New Jersey were slow responding to an emergency call
because a bear kept them trapped inside their ambulance building.

REALLY?!?!

I saw this on Yahoo.com and my jaw dropped...

WTF Report

http://bbq.about.com/od/rib1/ss/aa092008a.htm
The World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest begins today in Memphis.

Mark Schatzker's written "Steak: One Man's Search for the World's Tastiest Piece of Beef." He says the best steaks found during 3 years of research were in Scotland, Argentina and the United States.

If the boss will allow it, get home during the workday and take a shower. A study shows showering during the workday helps employees become more productive and more creative.

Elton John has reportedly turned down a $33 million offer to judge on American Idol.

WTF Report

Today is National Nurses Day....helloooo Nurse!

Newsweek up for sale. The weekly magazine's owner, Washington Post Company, says it's lost tens of millions over the last two years...its a miracle they've lasted this long they had their hands full with Time Magazine...now they got TV, the internet, hell I have the news to you before THEY do.LOL

Alec Baldwin will be joined by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers on Saturday Night Live's season finale, May 15...who knew they were still alive??...be honest

If you're going to alter a check, start small. A guy in Florida was arrested after he changed the amount on a check he was depositing from $10 to $269,951...did someone get greedy???

American Idol has announced its 2010 summer tour; it will kick off July 1 in suburban Detroit...and the guest judge will be Eminem...j/k

Today is National Chocolate Custard Day.

Tiger Woods has reportedly met with a divorce attorney, the same one who represented golfer Greg Norman and race car driver Jeff Gordon... and I thought they called him the "rainbow warrior" for other reasons...LOL

The world has a new Sudoku champ. Poland's Jan Mrozowski won in Philadelphia on Saturday...My dad idolizes the man

A Nightmare on Elm Street led the weekend box office with a $32.2 million in ticket sales...seems wrong to not have it released on Halloween.

A rep for Halle Berry confirms she and Gabriel Aubry have split.

WTF Report

How about a home with a jail? A former Scottish police station is for sale. It includes a holding cell. $44,000 and it's yours....and you thought I was kinky???

In the new People magazine Sandra Bullock says the Jesse James Nazi
photo shocked her and made her mad. In the issue, on newsstands
Friday, Bullock says, "This is not the man I married."

Predators will be in theaters this summer and now another Arnold Schwarzenegger shoot-em-up will be remade. I'm talking about Commando...Alyssa Milano won't be the daughter, though :(

Scientists in India are studying an 82-year-old man who says he hasn't eaten in 70 years. He claims he lives on a 'spiritual life-force'.

WTF Report

It's National Blueberry Pie Day.

Hugo Chavez, the President of Venezuela, will soon be tweeting. A spokesman for Chavez says he aims to "break records for numbers of followers."

Medical tests show Bret Michaels has suffered a setback in his recovery from a brain hemorrhage...and other reports have him moving his arms wtf?

A Belgian man who dropped a message in a bottle 30 years ago, when he was 14, finally got a reply -- on Facebook....what?!?

Lady Antebellum and Rascal Flatts are on tonight's American Idol.

A guy crashed his car into a utility pole in Winona, Minnesota. He told officers his dog threw up on him. Sure enough police found vomit in the car...but it wasn't from the dog it was the fifth of vodka he drank before leaving the house..lol

WTF Report

Making a trip to Israel? Officials there have lifted a ban on iPads. For some reason they thought the gadgets would interfere with other electronics....yeah they are evil...you should just give them to me...LOL

How to Train Your Dragon was tops at the weekend (North America) box office. Jennifer Lopez's The Back-up Plan debuted in second...yeah my daughter would go see Train you Dragon at least 20 more times...no joke

Competitive eater Joey Chestnut won the asparagus eating contest at the Stockton Asparagus Festival in California on Saturday....how do you like that for profession???

The Post-it Note is celebrating a 30th birthday this month... or 33rd... or 36th, depending on how you look at its history...what?!?

Police in Connecticut arrested a woman after she called 911 for a ride home from a nightclub. Six times...so one time woulda been okay???

WTF Report

It's Earth Day.

Guess what's on DVD and Blu-ray today? http://j.mp/cndsdy

Women can fight the risk of stroke by simply walking New research says a couple of hours or more a week can help...but not for men??

The U.S. military is looking to develop a flying car....about damn time

The FDA is reminding dog owners that Fido should be given real bones. Too many things can go wrong when you give a dog a real bone, they say...like they could think its okay to eat you in your sleep...LOL

Looks like Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are onboard for a third Men in Black movie...I better be in this one...LOL

WTF REport

It's National Garlic Day.

The Boston Marathon is today.

A letter from a passenger on the Titanic got nearly $85,000 at a weekend auction -- a record for this type of Titanic memorabilia.

Remember the French parachutist who, a couple of years ago, planned to parachute from higher than any man ever had? His plan went up in smoke when his balloon came loose and sailed off without him. Now he says he'll try again in May. If all goes to plan he'll jump from more than 130,000 feet.

How to Train Your Dragon and Kick-Ass each made around $20 million at the weekend box office. We'll find out today (Monday) which movie actually won.

WTF Report

It's National Librarian Day.

The Obamas made $5.5 million last year, according to their 2009 tax returns. They gave just over $329,000 to charities, not including the $1.4 million Nobel Peace Prize award the president sent to 10 charitable groups.

Today (April 16) is the deadline for sending in the 2010 U.S. Census forms.

The school board that oversee Allen High School in Texas has approved the construction of a new stadium for its football team. It must be a heck of a team as the price tag is $60 million.

In theaters this weekend: Kick-Ass (R) and Death at a Funeral (R)

WTF Report

Today is Scrabble Day.

A British company is paying people to sleep. It's looking for a sleeping-bag tester to evaluate its sleeping bags "in terms of warmth, strength and longevity." The position pays $900 for five days.

Is Pirate Radio a good radio flick? It's on DVD today: http://j.mp/9cQgVM

American Idol is back tonight. Adam Lambert is the mentor...should be interesting

Conan O'Brien is going to TBS. His show will debut in November....YESah!

Oprah: A Biography, the new unauthorized biography of talk-show host Oprah Winfrey, is out today.

What would you give up sex for? Thirteen percent of men said they'd give up sex for alcohol....are they nuts?????

It's Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day.

More than 20,000 people gathered early Sunday morning to watch Texas Stadium come down. Here's some video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7Xy1wVHgic

Phil Mickelson won his third Masters on Sunday.

Taxes are due Thursday.

Steve Carell and Tina Fey won the weekend box office with $27.1 million ticket sales. Note: Clash of the Titans was a close second and we'll know today which film really won when final numbers are released...

An Ohio man paid a prostitute for service but called cops after he didn't get all he ordered. Cincinnati police met the man at a White Castle after he called 911. He was taken to jail...Yeah I'd like a jail sentence with a side dissatisfied sexual experience, and pile on the ignorance...LOL

WTF REport

President Obama threw out the first pitch at a Washington Nationals game Monday. The toss was high and wide.

If you live in the San Francisco area and don't mind getting a tattoo, Casa Sanchez has a tasty deal: get their logo inked on your body and get free taco a day for life. They gave the same deal to 50 people back in 1999.

LOTR fans, it's finally out on Blu-ray: http://j.mp/arOqZ7

An 84-year-old will graduate late next from Florida's Lynn University with a bachelor of science degree. Jack Slotnick looked in the mirror recently and resolved to finish the degree he began 60 years ago.

American Idol is back tonight.

Right now, in Albany, New York, a bunch of people are in the middle of what they hope will go down as the longest game of dodgeball ever. They plan to play till 5 this afternoon.

WTF Report

A 75-year-old has become Britain's oldest dad. His 41-year-old wife gave birth March 12. Gerry Burks attributes his virility to eating a couple of bananas a day...note to self apple a day for keeping doc away and bananas for the bedtime snack...LOL

An Italian winery is producing Hello Kitty wine. It'll be pink...isn't that just like having the camel on cigarettes???

American Idol is back tonight with another hopeful going home.

A close friend of Sandra Bullock says she's decided to end her marriage to Jesse James... doesn't ANYONE do the work anymore???

Instant CSI: http://j.mp/dkW25V

Researchers in Taiwan say there's good evidence to suggest that massage therapy may help relieve symptoms of depression....especially with the "happy ending" lol

wtf Report

Scientists say nearly one third of children globally spend three hours a day or more watching TV or on computers...that seems low

American Idol is back tonight. The top 10 perform...if you could call it that

Think you can talk on your cell phone and drive at the same time --safely? If you do you're what researches are calling a "supertasker".Except that you're probably not a supertasker since only 2.5% of the population is.

Godzilla could be back in theaters in 2012. Yes, it will be in 3D...The last Godzilla was GOD-awful.

President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan the other day... They were able to keep it a secret by not telling Joe Biden.

WTF Report

How to Train Your Dragon was the weekend's top film. Hot Tub Time Machine debuted in third.

The NCAA college basketball tournament has its Final Four. Michigan State will play Butler and West Virginia will play Duke. The games will play April 3; the Championship game will be a week from today (April 5).

Russia's president dropped two of the country's eleven times zones over the weekend.

A recent study determined that a dung beetle can pull 1,141 times its own body weight. It's considered the strongest insect on the planet.

A California woman has invented The Biniki -- bra for your butt cheeks.

In Florida a deputy stopped Douglas Mackenzie for driving through a stop sign. He gave the deputy permission to search him during the traffic stop. The deputy found over 1,000 pills in his underwear.

In Monterrey, Mexico, over 7,00 people took to the streets to protest the overwhelming violence engulfing the city. ...It was a peaceful protest unless you count the over 7,000 reports of people being pick-pocketed.

Snow for Spring Break

Snow, snow, go away... comback again, in winter, I say.



I honestly can't remember the last time we didn't have snow during Spring Break.Can U?

WTF Report

Kansas, Kentucky, Duke and Syracuse earned top seeds for the NCAA tournament.

A hiking path for nudists will open soon in Germany. The path, over 11 miles long, opens in May...Germany is trying hard to be your next vacation spot

A Maryville, Tennessee, woman has been accused of stealing toilet paper from a hospital. Melissa Patty allegedly admitted to taking around 500 rolls...can never have too much TP, its not like you won't use it eventually.

"Alice in Wonderland" made $62 million over the weekend to remain the top movie. Matt Damon's "Green Zone" debuted in second...Untill Alice, this weekend, I hadn't seen a movie since Speed Racer....wow

David Schwimmer, 43, and photographer girlfriend Zoe Buckman, 24, are engaged.

Worst product names ever: http://j.mp/9Vcq7A

A Spokane woman was hiding nearly $26,000 in her bra when she was booked into jail for investigation of theft. But here's the kicker. That $26,000? It was all in nickels.

WTF Report

Disgraced sprinter Marion Jones has landed a job with the WNBA's Tulsa Shock. She played hoops in college...what do disgraced DJ's get???

Four singers get the boot tonight on American Idol.

Forbes says Mexican tycoon Carlos Slim is the world's richest person. Bill Gates is a close second, followed by Warren Buffett. Slim is worth $53.5 billion.

Daylight Saving Time begins this weekend.

A company called Martin Aircraft is now taking orders for its $90,000 jetpack. Here's a demo video: http://j.mp/yS7q6...only ten years late but there still won't be one on every corner.

Two captured ghosts sold on a New Zealand auction website for over $2,800. The buyer gets them in two tubes...WTF

WTF Report

An estimated 41.3 million people saw the Academy Awards Sunday night, its best ratings since 2005...the last time Billy Crystal hosted???

The Oscar-nominated films Up in the Air and Precious are on DVD today....so you can see why they didn't win

A study shows men have half an hour's more free time a day than women. But when the extra time women spent shopping and in the bathroom is added to the free hours count, men have only ten minutes' more spare time a day.

A guy from Egypt has set a new world record for two-fingered push-ups -- 46 in 49 minutes....I'd be lucky to do one

American Idol is back tonight. The top 8 girls perform.

People are actually buying Starbucks' new 31-ounce coffee. Turns out a lot of Starbucks patrons like the idea of a cup of coffee they can dip their head in.

WTF Report

It's International Women's Day....wooo like they need ANOTHER day

Alice in Wonderland had a huge opening. Around the world it made over $210 million Friday-Sunday.

Fans attending Friday's Cavaliers game against Detroit set a Guinness Book of World Record for the "largest gathering of people wearing fleece blankets" while wearing custom-designed Snuggies. Over 20,000 fans put on the Snuggies, helping to set the record...why??

A woman in Scotland celebrated her 90th birthday by white-water rafting. Her doctor wouldn't let her go skydiving...I hope I am that active at her age.

At the Razzies Saturday night the Worst Picture of 2009 awward went to Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen....boobs and bots...I see nothing wrong with it.

WTF Report

Today is Employee Appreciation Day.

The Academy Awards are Sunday night...finally good sleep..LOL

Sarah Palin will write a new book reflecting her "patriotic and spiritual values."...thats what retired pollitians do???

Sources say Tiger Woods wife is moving back in with him. Just 3 months ago it appeared there was no way their marriage could survive...the strength of a woman will never stop amazing me

The Cleveland Cavaliers will go for a Snuggie-wearing record tonight when they take on the Detroit Pistons. The players won't be wearing them but fans will...new warmup outfits are just around the corner though LOL

The most popular Dancing with the Stars dancer this season appears to be soap star Aiden Turner. He's getting more search hits than any other Dancing cast member. Or maybe it's because he's not as well-known as many of the other contestants

WTF Report

Today is Hug a GI Day.

Car website Edmunds.com is offering $1 million to anyone who, under controlled conditions, can "re-create unintended acceleration in a [Toyota] and then solve that problem and prove the whole thing"...also known as wreck-a-toy...LOL

In St. Petersburg, Florida, police received a report of a suspicious paper bag near the door of a building which houses courtrooms and several government offices. The bomb squad discovered the bag contained a croissant...hey when you can't take a break for lunch you make food part of your work.

Burt Reynolds has released from a Florida hospital after a planned heart bypass operation...say it ain't so Bandit

WTF Report

American motorcycle daredevil Seth Enslow broke a 10-year-old world record Tuesday by sailing through the air on his Harley-Davidson motorcycle for 183.7 feet near Sydney Harbor in Australia...so an American breaks a record in Sydney????WTF

Experts claim new technology designed to read the unique shapes of each nose could be used to identify the bad people of the world. They say the nose is more reliable that fingerprints...but how often do you put your nose on something?????

The Smithsonian is saying no thanks to an offer of a donation of the suit O.J. Simpson wore when he was acquitted in 1995 of murdering his ex-wife and her friend. The museum rejected it Tuesday as inappropriate for their collection... yeah they are holding out for the isotoner gloves

A 60-year-old man convicted of drunk driving in northern Sweden has appealed to the government for a pardon on the grounds that he is too fat to go to jail... haven't you ever heard of the Lockdown Diet???LOL

The LA Times is reporting that Warner Bros. is negotiating to acquire feature film rights to Space Invaders....I hope tyhey are planning on better graphics this time around...LOL

WTF Report

Today is Peanut Butter Lover's Day.

Canada knocked off the U.S. and took the gold in men's Olympics hockey. The U.S. finished the Winter Olympics with 37 medals, followed by Germany and Canada...Hockey game was excellent although the outcome coulda been better ;)

Darlyne Markus of Nampa, Idaho, has seet the record for the longest serving paper girl. The 80-year-old has been tossing papers for 51 years.

Police in Wales busted a woman for driving 70 miles per hour while flossing her teeth.... I'm the worst driver EVER so that is impressive to me

Tonight, during the season finale of The Bachelor, the cast of the next season of Dancing with the Stars will be revealed...may end up being the best ratings The bachelor will get...LOL

Shutter Island was tops at the weekend box office again....way to go Leo

WTF Report

It's National Pistachio Day.

Stephanie Madoff, daughter-in-law to Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff, has petitioned a Manhattan court for a name change. She cites death threats made against her since her father-in-law got sent up the river for screwing up the lives of investors...who threatens someone sooo far removed from the situation

"Charlie Bit My Finger" has moved past 160 million views: http://j.mp/6C7a

In theaters this weekend: Cop Out (R) and The Crazies (R)

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford and his wife Jenny are due in divorce court today (Friday)... I don't envy either one of them

An Indianapolis woman is in trouble for allegedly coaxing her 5-year-old daughter into stealing a woman's purse at a restaurant...this is the entire reason for the blog title.

WTF Report

It's Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day? Woof.

It appears Twitter's hear to stay. It has now passed 50 million tweets per day, up from about 2.5 million per day at the beginning of last year...birds are forming a lawsuit as we speak to make it illegal to call it tweeting

On American Idol tonight the Top 12 female semifinalists perform. Tonight is the first night for voting...remember regular text messaging rates apply

A copy of the first Superman comic sold for $1 million Monday. It cost 10 cents when published in 1938. It's believed just 100 copies of Action Comics No. 1 are around...I saw a copy as a kid, we were in awe

In Germany a man kept breaking into jail to hook up with his girlfriend. After nearly a month the other female inmates got tired of the couple's, um, noises and told guards. Now loverboy may be spending time in jail, too...his mama keeps sneaking in to bake cakes but the guards get their slice, so its all good.

WTF Report

Tiger Woods will talk to the media Friday morning. It'll be a one-way conversation....and I heard he liked it both ways??...LOL

A 3-year-old British boy has become one of the youngest-ever members of Mensa. William Potter took the test and scored an IQ of 140...at 3 he's outscored most people's high school score

In 2007, someone broke into Suzie Fronterotta's home in Gallup, New Mexico, and stole jewelry and cash. Now, three years later, she has the jewelry back. The anonymous thief sent the goods back to Suzie along with an apology note...was it signed Earl??

Lindsey Vonn grabbed an Olympic Alpine skiing downhill gold medal Wednesday...I don't think we'd allow anything less...lol

In theaters Friday: Shutter Island (R)...Leo

I laughed sooo HARD..yeah.. yeah yeah yeah

LIGHTING AND A LAWN MOWER

For those of us who do work in the yard occasionally.. Remember the Checklist!

If you don't laugh hysterically at this,...CHECK YOUR PULSE...this is Funny....and true. This was sent by a retired dentist.

We have the standard 6 ft. Fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To Make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a Single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for

26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. Long ground rod, and drove it

7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you Have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel Push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew For a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the Wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand And the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the Charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an Upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side Of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower Ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was Literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower Were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to Differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 Different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of Bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back And BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there Were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was Like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto The fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't Let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences.....but Dad always had those pieces of shit chargers made by International or Whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now Accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom Soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and Take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping Run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God Please die... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough Lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI Motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing In my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that Day.....he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the Misery my own stupidity had created..

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire...I woke up laying On the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It Was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and Then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was On the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure And in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3- Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7- My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???)..

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things.. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

WTF Report

Mattel's coming out this summer with an Twitter-enabled dog collar. The collar detects when your dog moves or barks and tweets one of 500 pre-written messages....just what I need a dog tweeting more than I do.

A career website says people are dating coworkers a bit more this year. A year ago Vault.com found that 80% of poll respondents said office romance was a no-no because of the recession. This year the number is down to 69.7%...convenient and understanding of your paycheck and can relate with what is goin down at work

VID: Check out this extremely powerful PSA: http://j.mp/cn3E2g

A U.S. Army veteran living in California when parachuting on his birthday. Ed Gorre turned 80 on Sunday. He last parachuted 45 years ago when he did it for his country...I think thats what I want to do for my birthday

Czechoslovakian doctors found the cause of a woman's discomfort: A 12- inch surgical instrument had been left in her body after an operation five months ago...WTF

WTF Report

Today is President's Day.

YouTube turns five today. The video sharing site service up more than 1 billion vids each day...hard to believe its really been that long

Ohio's Jeff Ondaash has set a new world record after giving 7,777 hugs in 24 hours. He did it over the weekend in Vegas.

Top Movie:"Valentine's Day" made a whopping $52.4 million over the weekend.

Here's today's Olympic schedule: http://j.mp/9IOXbQ

WTF Report

The big non-alcoholic beverage companies announced Wednesday that big changes are coming to their lack-of-nutrition labels. For one thing, calories will be more clearly marked... I know when I'm drinkin I start wonderin if I'm adding pounds...What?!?

Deadliest Catch fishing boat captain Phil Harris has died. He had a stroke last month and never recovered... boats all over are floating in a missing boat formation

Just in time for Valentine's Day a new survey finds that 40 percent of adults have dated a co-worker at some point in their careers and nearly 20 percent had done it more than once... so nice they did it twice

A New York woman left her dog leashed outside a store for "2 minutes" and when she returned found a mugger had stolen the pooch's $25 green wool coat...the mugger found a leprauchan that they had to clothe.

Survivor's back on the tube tonight. This run is called Heroes vs. Villains...why does it sound more like a comic book than a "reality" show

WTF Report

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue goes on sale...always warms the winter

Nielsen reports that 106.5 million people watched the New Orleans Saints win the Super Bowl. It's the largest U.S. TV audience for any program ever...VERY sweet!

American Idol gets Ellen DeGeneres...is that a consolation prize??

What your coworkers need is another reason to slack off at work, right? Then say hello to Madden Football for Facebook. It's coming...and I will rule at that

Rather than spending Valentine's Day with their partner, one fifth of adults would prefer to be with their pet, according to a new global survey. The French were least likely to choose a pet over a human...REALLY?!?!?

The Time Traveler's Wife and Couples Retreat are on DVD today...great date movies

WTF Report

Today is Clean Out Your Computer Day.

A woman in Oregon has sued her local McDonald's after spilling hot coffee on herself at the drive-thru window. She says the coffee was too hot and the lid was too loose... Really?!? a minimum wage employee won't serve you like a five star restaurant???

Physicists at the National Institute of Standards and Technology have built the world’s most precise clock, more than twice as precise as the previous clock...some people just ahve too much time on their hands...okay I know that was bad.

An Australian has set a new Guinness World Record by swallowing 18 swords at the same time....ow

At the weekend box office "Dear John" opened with $32.4 million, bumping "Avatar" out of the top spot...couldn't win forever

WTF Report

Today is Thank a Mailman Day....its not too much to ask

Guinness says Miami University in Ohio officially broke the world record for the most couples renewing their wedding vows at once. The stunt occured last June but they made it official this week.

Cosmopolitan proclaims the thong to be dead. The hot undergarment for women is boy shorts...and you know this, although I don't mind seein a thong pop up over the low rise jeans

RadarOnline says Pamela Anderson will be joining Dancing with the Stars for the new season... is floatation needed now?!?!

The British town of Newsham is under attack from a pheasant. Don't laugh, this thing's going after people, cars, dogs, bikes...everything...damn dirty birds!!! LOL

WTF Report

It's Carrot Cake Day...rabbits run free

Pro football is our favorite sport, according to a new survey. Of fans who like more than one sport, 35% say pro football is their favorite.Baseball comes next (16%), followed by college football (12%)...I'm just surprised baseball is second.

Honeybees can recognize faces, according to researchers...what's it matter if they get mad at you they have one shot to get you

Give your dog dentures: http://j.mp/bN4pqh

In Australia, a bank analyst was being interviewed on TV. In the background were lots of banker types with lots of computer screens. One of the bankers was caught looking at photos of topless women. On camera... oops!

You can get a preview of some of this year's Super Bowl commercials tonight on CBS (8p ET). American Idol is on FOX... choices.. how about Phineas & Ferb at my place..LOL

WTF Report

Six years ago today the world was introduced to the "wardrobe malfunction" after Janet Jackson's breast was exposed during the Super Bowl halftime show...and ending radio as we knew it FOREVER, how is it that it effected radio more than TV???

"Avatar" was No. 1 again over the weekend, and it's crossed the $2 billion worldwide mark...DAMN, was I wrong or what?

February is Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month....but it made such a great planter in my backyard...lol

An Arizona dog named George could be the world's tallest. The Great Dane is nearly 43 inches from paw to shoulder. Guinness is reviewing his stats...why does that need review...either he is or isn't???

In Malaysia, two lovers were ordered to pay a fine after they were found guilty of adultery. A court ruled that the man and woman should compensate their communities with four buffaloes and a pig...WHAT!?!?!

More than 80,0000 people in California will attempt this morning (9a PT) to break the world record for the most people jumping or skipping rope at the same time...now that sounds fun and reviewable...LOL

WTF Report

It's National Kazoo Day.

Apple unveiled its newest gadget Wednesday: the iPad. Unlike the release of the iPod and the iPhone, Internet buzz is just lukewarm...nothing to get excited over with it

A man pulled over in Florida was arrested after revealing a bit too much to cops. A cop noticed a strong odor of marijuana coming from inside his vehicle and asked if there was anything illegal inside. The man said, "I got $2,000 worth of weed in the truck!"...how high do you have to be to turn yourself in???

In California, students at a number of junior high schools will attempt (Monday) to break the Guinness World Record for the "Most People Jumping/Skipping Rope at the Same Time." Some 80,000 students will be linked up via live webcast.

WTF Report

It's Chocolate Cake Day.

Apple will unveil something today, probably a tablet device...and the world awaits...not that any of us can afford it.

Minnesota's Jeremy Baier is enduring the Great American Burrito Challenge. All week he's consuming three Chipotle burritos each day. It's a charity stunt to benefit the Children's Hospitals and Clinics of Minnesota....talk about a gut bomb DAMN!

A Polish funeral director opened the coffin of a 76-year-old man to retrieve items for the family and discovered the old guy was still alive. He'd been pronounced dead by a doctor after he collapsed near his barn...one of my greatest fears right there

Neil Patrick Harris and Joe Jonas are the guest judges on tonight's (Wednesday) American Idol....was Avril Lavirne just soooo not good or like what?

Historically Avatar has now made the most money, but Gone with the Wind still holds the record for the most tickets sold. GWTW sold over 202 million; Avatar's sold just over 76 million....baby steps young Avatar I guess I'm gonna have to go see what the hype is all about

WTF Report

"Michael Jackson's This Is It" is on Blue-ray today.

A new world-record wind speed of 253 mph was confirmed this week by scientists at the World Meteorological Organization. The wind was measured April 10, 1996, on Barrow Island, Australia, during Tropical Cyclone Olivia....it takes that long to confirm???
Avril Lavigne and Katy Perry are guest judges on tonight's "American Idol"....think they'll kiss???

Doctors in Peru mistakenly amputated the wrong foot of an 86-year-old man, then had no choice but to cut off the other one....get out of that HMO

In a Harris poll, our favorite TV personalities for 2010 are Oprah, Glenn Beck, Jay Leno, Ellen and Hugh Laurie...how is Leno on this list???

Today is National Peanut Brittle Day...I haven't had any in YEEEARS!!

WTF REPORT

Hope For Haiti Now airs tonight (Friday) on dozens of networks around the globe. It'll also stream online....Huge line...probably the biggest since "USA for Africa"

Today is Answer Your Cat's Question Day....HUH?

Lisa Courtney from Hertfordshire, United Kingdom, holds the record for possessing the most Pokémon stuff. She's amassed 12,113 pieces of memorabilia...PEKAPEEKA
A guy in Scotland has received an apology for being diagnosed with incurable Huntingdon's disease in 1989. The disease causes brain deterioration in later life, but this guy's all good now....Ooops how do you make that up to him?

In Fairbanks, Alaska, a man wasn't happy with his service at Taco Bell and threw a double-decker taco at a manager... don't waste food, mama said so

WTF Report

It's National Popcorn Day.

Apple's next big event will be January 27. It's rumored that Apple and its CEO, Steve Jobs, will unveil a tablet PC...thats cool if its not as expensive as the others have been
Taco Bell founder Glen W. Bell Jr. died Sunday at 86. He launched his restaurant chain in 1962. There are now more than 5,600 Taco Bells in the U.S....Yo quiero Taco Bell

The most stressful time of the day for moms is 8:25am... The next 15minutes are the most stressful for dads

A calendar issued by the city of Grand Forks, North Dakota, is missing January 31. The calendar maker just left that day, a Sunday, off...who wants to try and squeeze one more line in???

Shania Twain's a guest judge on tonight's "American Idol"...whose bed have HER boots been under??
President Barack Obama will bump "American Idol" when he gives his State of the Union Address on January 27...remember to hit the RedBox on the way home...LOL

WTF Report

The Golden Globes are Sunday night.

In theaters this weekend: The Book of Eli (R); The Spy Next Door (PG); The Lovely Bones (PG-13)

Today is Hat Day.

Cell phone users in the U.S. have donated $5.2 million to the Red Cross for Haiti disaster relief. By texting the word "Haiti" to 90999 you're giving $10...just proves that if you make it easy people WILL help

Two South Koreans won this year's LG Mobile World Cup on Thursday. That's a fancy name for "texting competiion". They take home $100,000. A couple of Americans came in second...my wife was in the final 10...j/k

Some police in England are in trouble after they were caught on video using a riot shield as a sled on a snowy hill. It ended up on YouTube ...probably a better use for it

Jurassic Park IV is in the works and the director says it's "going to be done in a completely different way."...let's hope so for his sake

WTF Report

Today is Dress Up Your Pet Day.

American Idol returned for a ninth season on Tuesday with strong numbers. Ratings were down just 2% from last year's season premiere... Pants On The Ground...lol

General Motors says its agreement with Tiger Woods that let him pick and choose and drive all the cars he wanted has ended...trouble on the green

A new crematorium in the UK is being built for bigger coffins because the dead are bigger today than they were a few decades ago...what?!?

Project Runway has its season premiere tonight on Lifetime.

Beyonce and Jay-Z top Forbes magazine’s list of the biggest money making couples of 2009, bringing in $122 million....something has gotta pay for that wedding

WTF Report

It's Penguin Awareness Day.

American Idol is back tonight. Simon Cowell announced Monday it would be his last season on Idol....I wish he had said it would be the last season all together. It had a good run, don't you think?

A guy in England has been cured after a three-year bout of hiccups. Turns out they were caused by a tumor on his brain stem....I can't even stand to have the hiccups for 10 min...I'd probably go insane

A reverend in London gave his blessing Monday to notebook computers and smartphones. The Reverend Canon David Parrott blessed a symbolic pile of computers and phones on the altar...all of them locked within an hour...lol

Washington D.C. police say a woman woke up the other night and found a stranger cuddling her. She wasn't injured; the cuddler got away....careful what you ask for ladies...

WTF Report

Today is National Clean Off Your Desk Day.

In Danville, Illinois, a group of middle school students are hoping to attract enough people to break the world record for simultaneously setting off more than 2,100 Diet Pepsi and Mentos geysers... as with most records seems like I fairly meaningless (empty) victory if sucessful.

A Chandler, Arizona, man was arrested for speeding down a highway with half his body out of the sunroof of his car. He was busted when several speed cameras recorded him...haven't you ever had an ejector seat malfuntion???LOL

Avatar was once again the weekend's top box office flick. Worldwide it's now made $1.34 billion. Only Titanic has made more ($1.8 billion)...looks cool but I don't even plan on renting it rigth away

Sony says Michael Jackson's This Is It on Blu-ray will be out January 26...really can't wait, no bs

WTF Report

A guy in Kentucky won a $128 million lottery prize by accident. The clerk who was selling tickets misunderstood his request for three $1 tickets and instead gave him a $3 quick pick, which turned out to be a winner...why can't that happen to me??? Oh yeah ya gotta buy the ticket

A driver in Switzerland picked up a $290,000 speeding ticket after police caught him racing through a village at more than 60 miles per hour in his Ferrari. His fine was based on his income, which is huge...if ya got it flaunt it, right?

Ad time for the upcoming Super Bowl is 95% sold out, says CBS. The Super Bowl airs February 7...hope its not a bunch of lame dot-com stuff like last year

In theaters this weekend: Daybreakers (R); Leap Year (PG); Youth In Revolt (R).

In Florida a 91-year-old man crashed his car into a restaurant then sat down and ordered breakfast....now thats a Grand Slam Breakfast

WTF Report

One of the television innovations unveiled Wednesday at the Consumer Electronics Show is QuadPixel techology. Manufacturer Sharp said each pixel on an LCD TV screen will have four colors: red, green, blue and yellow. The yellow is new. Sharp says the new TVs will be capable of displaying over one trillion colors...making my 1080pi HDMI HD TV outdated once again

To help kick off the new year, Kate Gosselin has given her old haircut the boot and picked up some extensions....I don't even wear a necklace around my kids. She is brave.

A British survey of new mothers reveals they have a better social life than they did before birth, thanks to a larger circle of trusted friends they can call on...and booty calls on speed dial

A thief in Florida took $550 worth of tools from the back of a pickup truck. At least he wasn't a total jerk. Police say the man left an apology note...how did that read??? "I'm sorry I had to steal your livelihood, but you'll bounce back"???

WTF Report

Today is Cuddle Up Day

The People's Choice Awards air tonight (Wednesday) on CBS.

A company in the UK has devloped an extra-strong toilet which can handle really obese patients weighing up to 980 pounds...and whatever they happen to drop off

A Michigan woman, using Google and phone record searches, found out her husband had two other wives. The woman said of her husband, who was gone a lot, "I just thought he was working a lot of hours and away at medical conferences." ...playing doctor has all new meaning

Sharon Stone will do four episodes of Law & Order: SVU starting in April...no word on if there will be an "interrogation scene"

By now a third of all resolutions are dead!

WTF Report

Today is National Whipped Cream Day.

This week's not National Pizza Week, It's next week. Big apologies with anchovies on top.

Social networking site BeautifulPeople.com says it has kicked out 5,000 users because other members signaled that they became less beautiful and more tubby celebrating Christmas and the New Year...so they are less beautiful????I don't understand because beauty is ALAWAYS in the eye of the beholder

Heard of the Taco Bell diet? The chain is running some ads showing a woman who dropped a bunch of weight eating Taco Bell...No cinnamon twists in THAT ad.

An 85-year-old man has returned a book to his Pennsylvania school library 73 years after its due date. The school says it can't imagine what the fine would be, so it's being waved...proving once again that if you wait long enough you can be forgiven for ANYTHING

A bus rider in Portland, Oregon, decided to play barber and cut the hair of another passenger -- without her permission. Cops say they arrested Jared Weston Walter after the haircut victim called 911...what the hell can you say?
A new season of the Biggest Loser begins tonight (Tuesday)....oooh set the TiVo

WTF REPORT JAN. 4 2010

It's National Pizza Week.

James Cameron's Avatar broke through the $1 billion barrier over the weekend. Cameron's Titanic made $1.8 billion worldwide.

The world's tallest building will open today in Dubai, United Arab Emirates. The Burj Dubai is about twice the height of the Empire State Building with an exterior covered in about 26,000 glass panels....LET ME GUESS YOU CAN SEE IT FROM THE PYRAMIDS

Some Russian guys have invented a two-seat pedal-powered submarine capable of diving up to 100 feet....paddle boats were NEVER ment to go UNDER the sea...LOL

In an incident reported by an Italian website, PlayStation consoles were being used for shipping cocaine throughout the country...and you thought the PS3 was expensive??

A new season of The Bachelor kicks off tonight on ABC....people still watch that? Can't we just put Monday Night Footbal in reruns??

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

R U Ready???!!!???

2010 is the new year, for the 09 don't shed a tear, the next day has promise and limitless potential, to mentally start off like this is essential.